sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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