if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
