there were more penises there than on chat roulette
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
