I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
