Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
