I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
