he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
