I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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