Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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