and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
