you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You took a bar mat shot.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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