mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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