is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
