Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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