Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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