6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I will pee on everything he values.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
