guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
