I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
