Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
