hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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