God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
