FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
