Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
