I hate your face
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize