I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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