you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
