Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize