I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
