I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
