Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
