you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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