The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I don't deserve a penis
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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