Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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