I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
