the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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