Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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