my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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