the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
