tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
