I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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