This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My balls are so social today.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
