I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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