If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
