dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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