I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
