Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We have started to decorate penises.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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