I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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