He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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