READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
