This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
