god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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