I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
