We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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