so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
