So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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