So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
