I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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