What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
