Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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