Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
