I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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