my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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