Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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