Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
