she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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