A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Your penis caused this!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
